


Squage

by lifemodeldecoy



Category: Nicolas Cage - Fandom, SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)
Genre: Crossover, Forbidden Love, M/M, Manatees, Other, Squage - Freeform, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2015-05-01
Packaged: 2018-03-26 15:17:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3855406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifemodeldecoy/pseuds/lifemodeldecoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Squidward finds his soul mate, but for it to work, they both have to commit a brutal act in order to appease the manatee overlords who control the oceans with an iron fin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Squage

Squidward had recently started dating, finally giving in to Sandy's incessant chatter about 'finding someone' he had allowed himself to be set up on a blind-date to get the nosy little rodent to shut up about it. He figured going on one ill-thought-out date would end the matter once and for all.  
He was also currently daydreaming about how wrong he had been.

The date had gone well, all things told, and he was amazed that he would find a surface-dweller so interesting to spend time with, Squidward's innermost desires stirred when his date had been so open about having previously owned a pet octopus. Squidward shivered at the thought of being involved in such a forbidden relationship. They had agreed to meet up again, and had been spending time as a couple ever since that night.

Finally, the end of the drudgery that was working at the Krusty Krab ground to a halt and Squidward made his escape before that idiot Spongebob had the chance to tag along with him and ruin everything.

He rushed back to his Moai shaped two-storey home, sliding the key into the lock and opening the door to reveal his lover standing in the centre of his living room waiting for him to return home. 

Squidward gasped at the sight of his love; 'Nick' he whispered as the man strode towards him, dressed in that outfit off of the movie where he was a motorcycle riding bounty hunter and embraced him fiercely.  
Squidward's three hearts thumped rhythmically, he gulped water in, his throat clenching as he forced it through the gill openings as his breathing hitched at the sudden possessive contact.

Nick didn’t require oxygen to breathe underwater while he was in Squidward’s presence, thanks to the unparallelled magical abilities of the ethereal manatee that had brought them both together was clearly more than enough to stop him from dying of respiratory impairment or suffering from either Peripheral Vasoconstriction or Blood Shift from the fact his body was under the pressure of the deep water - therefore he would not experience the typical restriction of blood flow to the extremities that would usually happen in order to increase the blood and oxygen supply to the vital organs. A fact that both Nick and Squidward were pleased about and thanked the magical sea-deities for this, as a lack of blood flow to the extremities could have stymied their chances of an underwater relationship. You know what I’m talking about, and if you genuinely don't: bless your innocent soul.

Nick and Squidward both knew that a sacrifice to the manatee overlords would have to be offered in exchange for the magical abilities, Squidward having suggested Spongebob and Nick wanted to eviscerate Sean Penn as revenge for those bitchy comments he made about him in People magazine that one time. Once they broke their raw, passion fuelled kiss, the subject had to be discussed if their relationship was to remain tenable.

Such a life changing decision couldn’t be made easily - so they flipped a coin.

Squidward allowed his love to call it, Nick called heads and flipped the coin. The coin didn’t so much as flip owing to water resistance, and kind of just went off on a random trajectory and landed softly in the fine silt that formed the floor of Squidward’s Moai despite Nick’s best efforts to catch it. Running was never his strong suit after all, the chase scene in the movie National Treasure is evidence enough of this.

After sliding across the floor in dramatic fashion, he picked up the coin and turned to Squidward, making eye contact before seductively pursing his lips and blowing away the silt from the golden disc in his hand, to reveal that it had landed tails-up. Squidward had won. Together they would slay Spongebob and perform the sacred ritual to appease the mighty manatees who ruled the oceans with an iron fin.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're reading this, I can only apologize. I don't even know what I've done. What have I done?  
> Worst part is, there's more. There's like, three more pages of this.  
> There's ritual sacrifice, bonus unplanned murder, manatees, and some kind of magical spell thing.


End file.
